


it takes time

by thisprentiss



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Bisexual Character, Coming Out, Friendship, Genderfluid Character, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Nonbinary Character, Self-Acceptance, Trans Female Character, anyway happy national coming out day! i'm gay and i love doctor who!, she's only in the very last scene, there isn't much vicki just to warn u guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 08:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12338883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisprentiss/pseuds/thisprentiss
Summary: snippets of the doctor and susan helping barbara and ian come to terms with their identities





	it takes time

**Author's Note:**

> hello mtv welcome to im gay  
> so i haven't written dw fanfic in like 23094809 years but here i am, back with that sweet sweet gay content. it's national coming out day and my nonbinary gay ass wanted to write something featuring one of my favorite squads in all of doctor who  
> so here it is! also it ended up way longer than i meant it to but oh well what can u do

The Doctor knew the moment he grabbed Ian's hand in the forest that they weren't a man.

They didn't really seem to know themself, at least not yet, but the Doctor felt it right away in the same way he'd felt it in some of his friends growing up on Gallifrey.

But of course… Ian was from the sixties on Earth. They didn't know a damn thing about the spectrum of gender, they were still stuck on a binary. In fact, they were still stuck on sexist stereotypes as well, if the way they told the Doctor not to make the women do the work was any indicator. That wasn't going to fly in the Doctor's TARDIS. He was going to have a _very_ long talk with them.

Except a prehistoric forest while being chased by angry cavemen wasn't the time or place for a crash course on gender identity and sexism. And even if it had been, the Doctor didn't like Ian or Barbara enough yet to care to explain anything, let alone something as complex as gender and its associated stereotypes.

All any of them wanted to do at the moment was stay alive.

Survival now.

Gender talk later.

The Doctor may be a bit scatterbrained, but he had his priorities straight.

 

* * *

 

"I'll see ya both later! I'm gonna hit the vending machine, see if it'll give me my fuckin' Swedish Fish this time. See ya, Susan! Nice to meet you, Miss Wright!"

The girl ran off, tie-dye shirt disappearing around the corner. Barbara, after a moment, turned to head back to the TARDIS, Susan following close behind her. "She certainly was interesting," Barbara commented.

"Interesting? She was absolutely _brilliant,_ " Susan sighed, covering her cheeks with her hands and grinning, "Really, Barbara. That's my type of woman."

Barbara laughed, pushing Susan playfully in the arm. "Careful, Susan, it almost sounds like you fancy her."

"Well I _do_ , of course," she laughed back, hopping into a sort of half-skip, "Grandfather never stops teasing me for falling in love at first sight. Says I do it with everyone I meet."

"Don't be silly, she's a girl!"

Susan stopped suddenly, a confused look on her face. "Of course she's a girl."

"Well so are you," Barbara said, stopping to face her.

"I am right now, I suppose, but what's that got to do with anything?"

Barbara let out another laugh, this one sounding more uncomfortable. "Susan, girls can't fancy other girls."

"Yes they can," Susan said, and skipped off before Barbara could talk again.

 

* * *

 

They were somewhere in Russia in the nineteenth century, browsing around shops and whatnot. Susan had run off to go ice skating, and Barbara had run after her, shouting something about finding skates first.

The Doctor laughed at the two girls' antics and glanced over at Ian, who was cautiously eyeing a floral patterned skirt with what looked like longing on their face.

Smiling, the Doctor elbowed them in the ribs. "You'd look quite strapping in that, Chesterfield."

Ian flushed and stuffed their hands in their pockets, turning away from the window. "I was looking at it for Barbara."

The Doctor didn't need touch telepathy to know that was a lie.

 

* * *

 

The TARDIS landed them in Ancient Greece, around Olympic season, and the Doctor sent everyone to the closet to get dressed in period appropriate clothes.

Susan took one of the short togas and the Doctor took the other, leaving Barbara and Ian with the two long ones.

"Doctor, I can't wear this, it's a woman's toga," Ian complained.

"Don't be silly, my dear Chestnut. Clothes do not dictate gender," he responded.

"But I-"

"Is there a problem with Susan wearing what you think is a men's toga, hmm?" the Doctor asked with a raised eyebrow, and Ian stumbled over the next few words.

"Well- no, I just-"

"Marvellous! I will see you both in the console room! And do try to hurry. This may be a time machine, but I won't be running late to the original Olympics because of you." He left before Ian could say anything else.

Several minutes later, Barbara strolled into the console room with a blushing Ian in tow, teal colored toga stopping just above their ankles.

"I look ridiculous," they muttered.

"You look lovely!" Susan shot back, grinning from ear to ear. Ian blushed a deeper shade of red at the compliment, muttering thanks with an uncertain smile fighting it's way onto their face.

 

* * *

 

"There should be something in Susan's closet, she doesn't mind me rummaging, give me a moment," the Doctor said, pushing into Susan's room with Barbara close behind.

As he opened the closet door and started rummaging around boxes full of trinkets, Barbara leaned on the small desk in the corner. There were small squares of bright paper stuck along the wall with an indecipherable circular sort of code written all over them, string lights hanging from the ceiling, a small plant, books, and picture frames. It reminded Barbara of a college dorm.

One picture caught her eye and she looked closer, seeing a frame with what looked like a three dimensional image inside, showing Susan hugging and kissing the cheek of another girl, both of them dressed in the same red uniform. Behind them, she could see a sort of school courtyard, which looked rather average, except for the red grass and silvery trees.

She was so caught up in looking at the image that she didn't even hear the Doctor come up behind her. He put his hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

"Who is that?" she asked, pointing to the image. The Doctor smiled fondly.

"That was Susan's... ah, how would you say it on Earth? Her girlfriend. From back on our planet."

"Girlfriend..." Barbara trailed off, biting the inside of her mouth. "You don't mean-"

"Romantically involved, yes they were." At Barbara's silence, he gave her a suspicious look. "You don't have some sort of problem with that, hmm?"

"No! No, I just... I didn't think that girls could... could be with other girls, that's all."

 

* * *

 

The crew of the TARDIS were somewhere in the late 21st century the first time someone asked about what pronouns Ian used.

"Nick Paulson. He/him pronouns. You are?"

Ian took his hand and shook it, offering a smile. "Ian Chesterton. It's a pleasure."

Nick smiled back with a raised eyebrow. "Pronouns?"

The Doctor watched as Ian's smile fell in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Like what pronouns do you use?" Nick said, but Ian just stood there with their mouth open slightly, brow furrowed, "You know, like what do I call you? Like… I use he/him pronouns, my sister uses she/they? What do you want me to use for you?"

"Well you don't get to _choose,_ do you?"

 

* * *

 

The Doctor thought he had been subtle, up until Ian threw down a white covered book on his desk.

Looking up, the Doctor saw they were standing there with a cross look on their face and their arms folded over their chest. "Can I help you, Chessington?"

"What the hell is this," they demanded, and the Doctor glanced at the book with a false shrug. "Don't do that. I know you put it on my bed. Are you trying to tell me something?"

What the Doctor had put on Ian's bed, in turn, was a copy of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to Gender,_ with the first page of the chapter _So You Think You Might Be Nonbinary_ conveniently folded over _._

"I've no idea what that is. Never seen that book before in my life. Looks like quite a good read, though," he smiled coyly, and Ian glared. "And if you're interested in the topic we've plenty more like it in the library."

"I'm not interested in the topic, Doctor, I don't even know what it is!"

"Then perhaps you should try reading about it, hmm?"

Ian looked like they wanted to argue more, but instead they just stormed out of the room, still fuming.

The book turned up on their bed again a day later.

 

* * *

 

"I think it's absurd!" Susan cried, "He treats me like a child when I'm older than you and Barbara combined! If anyone should be treated like a child it's _you!_ "

"Susan, Susan, calm down," Ian hushed her, sitting forward and putting their hand over hers, "You may be older than us literally, but if the Doctor's as old as he says he is, and you're as old as you say _you_ are, then... you're still a child in the eyes of someone from your planet."

She huffed out a disgruntled sigh, crossing her arms. "I still don't like it. It's not fair."

"He's just trying to _protect_ you, Susan. A young woman like yourself-"

"I'm not a woman."

Ian stopped, words catching in their throat. "A- Alright, well a young _girl_ -"

"You misunderstood, I'm not _female_ ," Susan said, and if Ian didn't know any better, they'd think she rolled her eyes, "I'm an alien, Ian, I don't have a gender."

"Oh. Your species can do that?"

She smiled softly. "Anyone can do that. It's called being nonbinary on Earth. We've got several books in the library about it if you're interested."

Ian's mind immediately flashed to the white covered book the Doctor had "not" left on their bed, the title of the chapter that had been folded over. Maybe they should give it a read. "Oh," they said again, "Alright. Should I call you something other than a 'she,' then?"

"No, _she's_ alright. Today I sort of _am_ a girl, or at least that's how I'm feeling. Some days I prefer to be a _he_ , but not often. I'll tell you if it ever comes up."

They just nodded, "And the Doctor?"

"Grandfather? He's content using he/him pronouns at the moment. Don't worry, though, he'd be the first to correct you if you ever used the wrong ones," she said.

"Right."

They were definitely going to give that book a read.

 

* * *

 

Barbara and Susan had gone out for the day, Susan wanting to take Barbara to one of her favorite coffee shops on this planet, so the Doctor was alone with Ian in the TARDIS.

The two were both sat in the comfy library chairs, books in their laps. The Doctor sipped his tea as he read, glancing up every once in a while to confirm his suspicions that Ian wasn't, in fact, reading, but rather bouncing their leg anxiously and chewing at the inside of their cheek.

"You alright, Chesserman?" he asked out of the blue. Ian's eyes shot up toward the Doctor, poorly feigning innocence.

"Yes? Why d'you ask?"

The Doctor gave a wry chuckle and closed his book. "You've been on the same page for the past half an hour, and I think if you keep up chewing your cheek like that you may just wear a hole right through it."

Ian looked away, closing their book and setting it aside with a small sigh.

"I do hope if something is bothering you, you'd tell me," the Doctor pressed, surprised when Ian pulled their feet up onto the chair to sit cross legged. Their face looked suddenly worried, almost sad; the Doctor hadn't ever seen them look this _young_ before. He tried again, this time with a bit of concern. "Chesterton?"

"Did Susan complain to you about me?" they asked awkwardly. The Doctor's brow furrowed.

"No, I don't believe she did. Why, did you do something?"

"Well, no, I just-" Ian's words seemed to catch in their throat, "We were talking yesterday, and she said some things- I was afraid I'd offended her by not knowing- you know. Not knowing what _non-binary_ was. I thought perhaps you gave me that book because I was being- I don't know, ignorant, maybe."

The Doctor chuckled, picking up his tea and taking a long sip. "No, no, of course not. I gave you that book for _you_."

Ian narrowed their eyes. "You what?" when the Doctor didn't respond, Ian seemed to grow nervous, "Do you know something about me that I don't, Doctor?"

"I don't know, do I?"

"You do!" Ian snapped, "Why would you give me that book if you didn't? Do you think I'm not a man!?" their voice became strained, "A- am I not a man?"

"That's for you to find out yourself, yes?"

"Will you _stop doing that!?_ Please! I- I'm already _so confused_ -" their voice broke, and the Doctor suddenly felt the strong urge to go over and pull Ian into a hug like he did with Susan when she was upset. "There was never a _word for it_ , Doctor."

The Doctor didn't feign innocence this time, he just nodded gently.

 

* * *

 

The TARDIS landed on an alien planet covered in beaches and lush foliage which seemed to be populated entirely by tourists; they couldn't get a reading on what the native species might be.

"It's quite hot, dress for the occasion," the Doctor reminded the others, setting them loose in the immense closet. Susan pulled out a pair of shorts and a striped crop top, throwing on a large floppy hat to go with it. Barbara picked a pair of jean capris and a floral top.

As the two left to go change, the Doctor dug around for his old swimming gear. After a moment, he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Ian was still there, arms crossed tightly over their chest, staring at a long white chiffon skirt with a frown on their face. The Doctor smiled. "You should wear it."

Ian kicked a belt that was lying on the floor, turning red. "It would look silly on me."

"No."

"Sorry, what? _No?_ " Ian asked, turning to the Doctor with both amusement and confusion, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It _means_ ," the Doctor finally found his swim trunks and pulled them out of a pile, smiling, "That I am a terrifying, handsome genius from space and I'm telling you no, it will _not_ look silly, you'll look utterly dashing. And you should wear it."

Ian looked shocked for a second, and then allowed a smile onto their face. "I- alright. Alright I will."

 

* * *

 

"Doctor?" Ian was standing in the doorway, dressed for bed.

The Doctor looked up from his book and gestured to the armchair next to him. "Ah, Chambleton. Come in. Sit." Once Ian was sitting, the Doctor closed the book and set it down on his lap, "Something you'd like to speak with me about, I presume?"

"Er- yes."

There was an awkward silence, and then Ian pulled the infamous white covered book out of the pocket of their robe, sliding it across the side table toward the Doctor without looking at him. "I've read it cover to cover. Twice," they said simply, fiddling with a button on their pajama shirt.

"And?" the Doctor prodded, watching as Ian started bouncing their knee again. "It takes time, Chesterfield. You don't have to figure it all out at once."

Ian nodded weakly. "Thank you."

 

* * *

 

The four of them were in the kitchen eating in silence, the only sound being the Doctor crunching on an overly toasted bagel and Susan's little radio she held close to her head.

Ian swirled the coffee around in their mug and took a long sip before exhaling sharply and sitting up straighter. "So, I-" they started, their voice cracking and trailing off when the other three looked up.

"You alright, Ian?" Barbara asked, a twinge of concern in her voice.

"Um. I'm alright, yes, I just-" they cleared their throat, suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe, "I- I've been thinking, and... and I'd like to go by gender neutral pronouns now. I- if that's alright."

The moment of silence that followed felt like an eternity.

"They/them?" Susan finally asked, and Ian nodded sheepishly, unable to look her in the eye. She grinned, "Alright!"

Barbara shrugged, stabbing at her eggs with her fork. "If it makes you comfortable, dear."

The Doctor just gave them a knowing smile, crunching again on his bagel.

 

* * *

 

They were somewhere in space in the middle of a huge abduction and heist plan, trying to stop a princess from being kidnapped by a pirate who was also her lover but was also going to try and take over her father's spaceship.

"Quite a feisty one, isn't he? I like that in a man," the princess purred, running a finger down the side of Ian's face.

"I'm actually-" Ian hesitated, looking over at the Doctor, who just gave an encouraging nod, "I'm not... a man. Or a- or a he. Rather... a _they_."

The princess smirked and bit her tongue between her sharp teeth. "Good looking _and_ not afraid to stand up for yourself. Oh I _do_ like them. They're exactly my type," she said with a coy wink at Barbara, "As are you, lovely. Maybe once this whole abduction business is over with the three of us could-"

Gunfire cut her off, and the ridiculous chase was back on.

 

* * *

 

"Ian, I'm _sorry_ ," Barbara pleaded, "I just don't understand."

"Neither do I, Barbara, that's exactly the problem! You can't ask me to explain something I've no clue about myself!" they were doing that calm-but-angry voice Barbara despised so much, just to try and keep themself from snapping at her.

"Just give me a while to wrap my head around it, would you!?" she clenched her hands into fists when they gave her nothing but silence, "Dammit Ian! I'm _trying!_ Can't you understand that!? It's difficult, I'd no idea there was anything other than two genders, it's going to take time!"

They rolled their eyes. "You didn't seem to have any problem accepting that we were in a time machine, you believed that in an instant!"

"Well that's _different_!"

"How!?"

"You're not a bloody time machine, you're a human being!" Barbara snapped, feeling anger bubble up inside her, "And even if we discount that, it's hard to all of a sudden put this all into practice, maybe it would be easy with a stranger, but I don't know how to process the fact that a man I've known for _years-_ " she cut herself off when she registered why Ian suddenly looked so hurt. "I mean- not- not a man, a- I didn't-"

"It's fine," they said flatly, and Barbara felt her throat tighten as she watched them walk out of the room.

" _Fuck._ "

 

* * *

 

Susan was in a pair of boxer shorts and a flannel, carrying a jumbo box of Ritz Bitz back to her room, when she got a sudden pang of telepathic energy. Stopping in her tracks, Susan looked over at the door she'd been passing. _Barbara's?_

She tried the handle and found it unlocked, and, without knocking, she walked in.

Barbara was sitting on her bed staring at the opposite wall and looking rather sad, only glancing at Susan when she heard her come in. "Can I help you, Susan?" she asked. Setting the Ritz Bitz down on Barbara's desk, Susan climbed onto the bed and sat cross-legged next to her.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"No," Barbara said quietly, "It's not."

There was a moment of silence.

"You can talk to me if you'd like, I'm an excellent listener."

Barbara shook her head. "I- I hurt Ian. I know I hurt him- _them-_ _shit-_ " the calm facade she'd had on suddenly broke, and she pinched the bridge of her nose, "Shit."

Susan put a gentle hand on her shoulder, offering a smile. "You just have to practice. It'll come naturally eventually."

"That's not the problem! I don't want them to _be_ a different gender!" she cried. Susan couldn't help the slightly suspicious look she gave. Barbara quickly shook her head to correct herself, "No- not like- I didn't mean it like that, I wouldn't think any different of h- _them_ at all, it's just-"

Another silence.

"It's just...?" Susan prodded, watching Barbara blink away tears. "What's wrong?"

But Barbara just shook her head quickly, chin quivering. So Susan did all she knew how to do in this sort of situation. She touched Barbara's hand gently and closed her eyes.

Confusion and fear and self-loathing and a hundred memories overwhelmed her, and Susan pulled away as quickly as she could. "Oh Barbara..."

 

* * *

 

"Are you and Barbara doing alright? I haven't seen you two speaking lately," Susan's voice snapped Ian out of their dazed coffee drinking, making them look up.

"We're fine, just had a small argument," they said, patting the chair next to them and smiling when Susan hopped up on the table instead.

"It was about your gender?" she idly picked at the muffin she'd brought in.

"How'd you guess?"

Susan offered a smile. "Caught her pacing in the library practicing using the singular they," she said, "Not to mention all our gender books are mysteriously gone from the shelves."

Ian was taken aback, and they stammered out a few nonsense phrases. "I didn't think she cared that much."

"Barbara cares _so much_ ," Susan's eyes seemed to pierce Ian's soul, "You can't possibly think she doesn't care?"

"I- I don't know. I suppose- I didn't think she _didn't_ care, not until our argument. I just can't understand why she's being so difficult about all this."

Susan's laugh surprised them.

"Well she fancies you, you know," she said bluntly, and Ian blinked at her in confusion, only causing her to laugh more, "Remind me later to show you a meme you looked exactly like just now. Really, though, Barbara fancies you. She's fancied you for years."

"She has?" they asked. Susan nodded.

"Of course. I thought you would've known," Ian shook their head, and Susan just shrugged, "Well either way, she wasn't prepared to face the fact that she might not be completely heterosexual. It's scary for her. She wasn't exactly raised in an open minded family."

Ian's gaze dropped to their coffee, frowning. "You talked to her."

"For lack of a better phrase, _no shit._ I'm not my grandfather, Ian, I trust people. I _talk_ to people. It's how you solve problems," she said. When they didn't respond, she lowered herself off the table and into the chair. "Ian, talk to her. She's going through a different crisis than you are, but it's a crisis nonetheless, and I think you two could really help each other through this if you just talk."

 

* * *

 

Ian gave a few gentle knocks on Barbara's door, pushing it open when they heard her murmur for them to come in. When she saw them, she immediately looked away, an embarrassed look on her face.

"Hello, Ian," she said, standing up and brushing off her lap, "Good to see you."

"Good to see you too." They couldn't help but notice the unusually bright colored books stacked on her desk. "Been doing a bit of reading?"

Her face turned red and her eyes shifted to the wall. "A bit. Listen, Ian, I-"

"It's alright. Really, it is."

"No," she shook her head, "No it's not."

"It is. You're going through a lot as well-"

"I'm _not_."

"You _are._ " They took a step toward her. "Barbara, talk to me. Please."

Her eyes went glassy and she turned her head to the other wall. "I won't. I c-" her voice wobbled, and she steadied herself, making dead eye contact with Ian, "I can't. I- I'm not ready."

Ian held out their arms with a smile and Barbara let herself walk into the hug, burying her face in their shoulder. Ian rubbed her back soothingly, echoing what the Doctor had told them. "It takes time, Barbara. You don't have to figure it out all at once."

 

* * *

 

The next morning at breakfast, Barbara wasn't there; it wouldn't have been that concerning if she liked to sleep in, but she was usually the first one up, brewing a pot of coffee.

Susan was watching a video on a little rectangle that was apparently a phone, eating directly out of a box of Fruity Pebbles with her feet propped up on the table. The Doctor had his daily overly-toasted bagel, and Ian was eating the remainders of the spaghetti Susan had kept from the trip to Italy a few days ago.

Barbara finally came in a half an hour later than she usually did, hands firmly at her sides and a determined look on her face. When she sat down with her cup of coffee, Ian noticed the light catch on something pinned to her sweater.

"What's that?" they asked curiously, scraping the last noodles out of the tupperware. Barbara sat up straighter and sipped her coffee.

"It's a pin," she said.

Ian looked at it again. A pink stripe, a purple stripe, and a blue stripe. For some reason it looked familiar. "Where'd you get it?" they asked, watching Barbara grow visibly nervous.

"I made it. Did you know the TARDIS has an arts and crafts room?" she said, taking another sip of her coffee.

"What'd you make?" Susan asked through a mouthfull of fruity pebbles. Barbara turned slightly so she could see, and when she did she grinned, "Oh I love it. Grandfather look!"

"Marvelous, dear girl!"

Suddenly Ian remembered where they'd seen the colors put together like that before. "That's the- ah- the bisexual flag? Yeah?" they asked. Barbara swallowed her coffee thickly, nodding.

"Yes."

Ian gave her an encouraging smile. "I love it."

 

* * *

 

_Knock, knock, knock._

Ian looked up from their book. "Come in?"

Barbara walked in and closed the door, taking a seat on the bed next to them. There was something in her hands that Ian recognized as another button, similar to the one she'd been wearing the other day at breakfast. They chuckled slightly. "Come from the arts and crafts room again?"

"Actually, yes. Sit up straight, I've made something for you."

With one eyebrow raised, Ian scooted toward her, watching as she carefully pinned the thing to their shirt. Once she'd finished, turning away, Ian pulled on the pin so they could read it. In Barbara's loopy handwriting, written with black and outlined in purple and green, was a simple _they/them/theirs._

Barbara cleared her throat. "It's- ah. It's so you don't have to correct people when we're out. They can just..." she gestured to the pin, "Read it, and there you go." When Ian didn't say anything, Barbara's cheeks seemed to go a tiny bit red. "Um- I read that pins were something people used. In one of the books. If you don't like it, you don't have to-"

She was cut off when Ian threw their arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. After a brief moment of shock, a laugh bubbled out of her and she hugged them back. "Thank you," they grinned, "Thank you so much! Oh I love it! Look at this! Did you choose the colors yourself?"

"They're the ones from the um- the gender... _queer_ flag, I believe. If you want a different flag's colors-"

"No, no, it's perfect!" they said, "Thank you!"

And for the first time in a while, Barbara really, _genuinely_ smiled.

 

* * *

 

"Will you stay fucking still?"

"Will you watch your fucking language?"

Susan just rolled her eyes, pushing Ian's head back again and biting her tongue between her teeth. They yelped in pain as she shifted, knees digging into their lap from the way she was kneeling, and she shushed them. "This is delicate work."

"Could you stop _impaling_ _me_ with your bony knees, then?" she shushed them again, "This isn't even going to look any good on me. I changed my mind, get off."

"No, stay put!" Susan shifted forward and shoved their head back further, leaning on them with all her weight. Which, granted, wasn't exactly very much, but it still kept them pinned to the spot. "I'm almost done, and it's going to look splendid. Now quiet. Let me work."

Ian grumbled, but didn't argue. A few minutes later, Susan clambered off and swiped her hand held mirror off the table. "Ta-dah!" she grinned. Ian looked at themself in the mirror and almost laughed. Susan really had outdone herself with their makeup. "Well?" she asked expectantly, "What do you think?"

"I'm never letting you do that to me again, but it really does look excellent."

 

* * *

 

Barbara could feel herself blushing as the cute blonde barista drew a little smiley face on the side of her cup.

"Name for that?" she asked with a smile.

"Um- ah- Barbara!" Barbara stammered, awkwardly leaning on the counter.

The barista laughed, writing it down in beautiful little bubble letters. "Barbara. Don't get too many Barbaras in here. That's a pretty name."

"Thank you."

"And a pretty face," she added with a wink. Barbara's heart did a somersault.

"A- are you flirting with me?" it came out much more choked than she wanted it to, and that obviously gave the barista the wrong idea, because she immediately looked concerned.

"Oh- uh- I was, but-" she put the cup down behind several others from other customers, "Sorry, you're straight, aren't you? I just- sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No! No, I-" Barbara swallowed, "I'm b-" her heart hammered in her chest, making her choke on her words, "I'm bisexual. I just- I was surprised, that's all."

The barista's face lit up again. "Oh cool! I'm Taylor, by the way."

 

* * *

 

" _What's in your pants_ , that sounds so ridiculous now!" Ian rolled their eyes, "How rude can you be, asking me what's in my pants? I'll bloody tell you what's in my pants, what've I got..." they rummaged in their pocket for a second, "I've got a hair pin and a load of lint."

"Is that your gender, then? A hair pin and a load of lint?" Susan giggled.

"I suppose it is, since it's in my pants," Ian responded, and the two of them burst into laughter.

 

* * *

 

Barbara leaned against the park bench, smiling up at the butch woman - Jada - talking to her.

"I hope you didn't think I was judging you when I was staring earlier, you're just lovely," Barbara said. Jada grinned, running a hand through her short cropped hair.

"Thanks..." she laughed, "You are too. I didn't think you were judging, either, don't worry. My gaydar is pretty finely tuned."

This time it was Barbara's turn to laugh. "Did the button down shirt give me away?"

"It was the jeans, actually," Jada joked.

"Ah, of course. The classic bisexual cuffed jeans. How could I have forgotten." Both of them laughed, and Barbara glanced back toward where the Doctor and Susan were chasing some geese. _We've got a while here. May as well go for it._ "Are you doing anything later?"

 

* * *

 

It was strange not having Susan in the TARDIS anymore.

There was no music at breakfast anymore. No food went missing from the kitchen at odd hours of the night anymore. No one heard childish giggles coming from Susan's room when everyone else was in bed anymore. Muffin crumbs disappeared from the console room floor. Lights stayed off when they were turned off. Six boxes of sugary cereal remained untouched on the counter. They always had leftover coffee in the pot.

Movie nights stopped. Confusing jokes stopped. Everything stopped.

It was so... _quiet._

 

* * *

 

"Everything alright, Vicki?" Barbara asked, making her way over to sit next to the younger girl. Vicki pulled at her hair, frowning.

"Sorry I've been odd today, I'm just... I'm a tad stressed is all. I... I was talking to the Doctor, and he says I should do what I think is best for me, and-" she stopped, sighing, "You know I'm trans, of course."

"You told us the first day we met you," Barbara nodded.

Vicki smiled softly. "I didn't want you to treat me any differently. I thought it was best to be upfront about it."

"Is this something to do with that?" Barbara asked, "Because you might do better to ask Ian about gender if you're confused about anything. I'm not really-"

"Am I still a girl if I don't want to go on HRT?"

Barbara was stunned into silence for a moment. Vicki looked upset. "What?" she asked, "Of course you are."

"You think of me as a girl?"

"Well yes, should I think any different?"

Vicki put her head in her hands, sighing loudly. "I'm a girl. I _am._ I just... I don't know if I want to go on HRT. I'm not sure. But I don't want people to think- I don't know. I don't want anyone to think I'm pretending to be a girl."

"No one's going to think that, Vicki, especially not here in the TARDIS," Barbara reassured her, "You're a girl no matter what you want to do. None of us will think of you as any less of a girl whether you decide to go on HRT or not. Come here."

Barbara pulled her into a hug, petting the back of her head. She could feel tears soaking into her shirt.

"I'm sorry," Vicki whimpered, "I don't know why I'm crying."

"It's alright. It's alright, you can cry. We all need a good cry sometimes." Vicki let out a choked noise, pushing her face further into Barbara's shoulder.

"I just don't know what I want to _do_ _._ "

"It takes time, Vicki," Barbara reassured her, resting her head against the younger girl's with a smile, "You don't have to figure it all out at once."

**Author's Note:**

> hmu @lattepotts if u wanna talk abt headcanons bc.......im all abt that gay


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